He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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