I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
