I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
