Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
