if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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