false alarm. still invincible.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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