How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
