It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
