she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
