I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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