well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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