So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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