My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
