I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
