I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
