The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
