she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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