I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
