god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
