my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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