umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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