She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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