FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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