Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
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she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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