i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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