If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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