My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
