I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
