why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
