my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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