Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
