she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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