Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
