Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
