please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
