I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
