Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
