i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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