If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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