In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
