For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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