I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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