i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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