She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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