I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
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