I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
false alarm, still single
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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