be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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