im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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