Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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