I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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