So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
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He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
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You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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