Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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