The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
