You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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