but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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