Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
